Aunt Sally: I'm afraid to leave the wife I don't love
I’m 33, have been married to my wife for two years — we’ve been together
for 10 — but I feel I don’t love her any more. I told her I wanted to leave
but couldn’t, partly for fear of being alone and also because it seems
unspeakably cruel. She still loves me very much and wants children. If I go,
I’ll be denying her that opportunity. It’s possible, but unlikely, that
she’ll meet somebody while still young enough to start again. All our fights
are symptoms of the same problem — she doesn’t feel loved because I don’t
love her. I’m worried I’m naive and unrealistic about what love actually is.
I realise the first heady rush fades, but we never had it in the first
place. I married because I didn’t want to break up. Now I realise my
reluctance about children isn’t about not wanting them but about not wanting
them with her. She was horrified when she dragged it out of me. She’ll do
anything to save the relationship. I’m reluctant because if we try, and
fail, we could both miss out on children. I’m torn between upsetting her
horribly or staying and having children, then realising my gut instinct was
right all along.
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